Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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