Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
