when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
