based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
