It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Less talking, more tequila
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
