At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
