Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
