just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
