Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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