Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
