i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
