It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
