bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
