I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
