Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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