sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
