so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
