totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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