Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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