Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The power of my boobs compel you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
