yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
