...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
