The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
