I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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