the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
