That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
