I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
