I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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