The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
