i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
