He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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