Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
