Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
