If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
