Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
