Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
