I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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