I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
