Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
