Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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