I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
