I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
