I haven't been this sober since birth.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
