Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
