i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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