The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You are a genius and a whore.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
