im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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