I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
