Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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