I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
