i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
